Making Eating an Enjoyable Experience

Feeling comfortable and happy eating is a very important part of life. Parents need to foster and create an enjoyable experience for their children that help to promote healthy living and good choices in the future.

Children go through many stages in their development and the types of food and ways in which they eat often change. For example, toddlers are classically known as picky eaters who find a few things that they like and then only want to eat those items. However, a few weeks or months later, those items then fall out of favor and may suddenly be "yucky" and a new food becomes the chosen favorite with the old favorites no longer being eaten at all. Older children may have other interests, such as friends or sports/hobbies, and don't want to make time to sit down and eat. Eating with family becomes a chore to be avoiding or simply tolerated.

These situations can often lead parents to feel frustration or be unsure how to get their children to eat properly. There are several ways that parents can work to create an enjoyable and healthy eating experience for their family, including:

Atmosphere — create a fun and happy atmosphere in which mealtime becomes a family event that all want to participate it. It is a time to enjoy being a family and not a chore to be avoided.
Making Meal Time Quality Time — when the family gathers for meals, it should be a time to talk and learn about each other's day and interests. Families should avoid turning on the television/radio, eating in front of the television, reading books, etc., and instead should be interacting and talking together.
Making food colorful or exciting — for younger children or picky eaters, parents can try different techniques to make food colorful or different in ways that will intrigue the child. For example, food coloring can be added to mash potatoes to make them the child's favorite color or cookie cutters can be used to make "plain old peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" suddenly become the shape of the child's favorite character or a theme, such as a tree, star or stocking for the holidays. These techniques can make everyday food exciting and something new that the child wants to eat, instead of something that they have to eat.
Having children help cook — children, even as young as preschool age, love to be helpful and be a "big kid." Parents can use this curiosity and desire to make food and mealtime fun. Children that are allowed to help in small ways, such as holding a measuring cup while you pour something into it or mixing up something in a bowl, feel ownership and a part of the experience. This will often create a level of excitement that causes the child to eat their meal because they had a part in creating it instead of it being something that is given to them and which they had no say in.
Allowing choices whenever possible — children, especially young ones who are just beginning to learn that choices in life are possible love to have the opportunity to influence what is eaten. Parents can allow the child to do things like choosing which vegetable the family will eat for dinner out of a selection given to them or which of several options they want for a snack. Again, this sense of ownership and control over what they eat can lead to a more enjoyable experience.
Trying different foods and menus — families can often get into a "rut" about what meals they eat. Busy parents are often struggling just to get a meal on the table after a long day and creativity can be lost. They rely on a list of meals that are eaten over and over and become a chore to the family to eat again. By trying new ethnic foods or buying a new cookbook and allow each child to choose a meal that appeals to them, the family can again create an excitement and enjoyment about eating together. Older children, such as teenagers, can even be given the responsibility to create and prepare the meal for an evening, which in addition to making an enjoyable family experience, can also give the busy parents a night off.
Watching what you say — it is important for parents to be conscious of the messages that they may be passing on to their children through what they say. A simple comment like "you're eating all the time lately," or "you are fat/gaining weight/etc," or "you need to watch what you eat if you want to stay thin like you are now" can cause severe problems for the child. For a child who may already have a poor self-esteem level or that dislikes their appearance and behavior around food, these types of comments from parents or family members can influence the development of an eating disorder. If parents have concerns about the amount or way their child is eating, they need to approach it in constructive ways that reinforce their love for the child and may need to seek professional assistance if the child's behaviors or beliefs have become obsessive and control over food is being experienced.

Parents have an important role in creation of healthy eating habits in their children. By trying different techniques and strategies, they can make eating a family event and one that is enjoyable and fun for the whole family.

Body Image, Self-Esteem and Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are about more than food. It's about feelings of self-hate and feeling like life is out of control. It's about underlying issues that involve body image and self-esteem. These feelings of low self-esteem in combination with a distorted body image are large factors in the development and continuation of eating disorders, such as anorexia or bulimia, in which compensatory behaviors are used to control eating and weight gain, in an attempt to feel in control of life as a whole.

One of the symptoms of an eating disorder is that the person has a distorted image about themselves, both their body/appearance and who she/he is as a person. Common thoughts/statements from those with eating disorders include:

I'm fat. I have to lose this weight.
It's my fault that I look/feel this way.
I deserve this because of the way I've lived my life.
I'm a terrible person and I deserve this.
I'm horrible and I don't deserve to be happy like others do.

This distorted self-image leads the person to become very judgmental about themselves and their life. They are constantly comparing themselves to others around them and in the media, and are finding themselves lacking. They believe that they can never be as pretty/talented/ thin/smart/funny/etc. as the other person. They will always find themselves rating less than the others and will never see their good qualities, even when family and friends try to point them out.

The person with an eating disorder will also make others behavior about them in some way. For example, if a teenager is at school and someone talking with them walks away and then talks to someone else down the hall, the teen with an eating disorder will think something like "she didn't think I was smart enough or funny enough to keep talking with. She had to go find someone else better." Everyone's actions become about the person with the eating disorder and again, the person will always find themselves lacking in comparison to everyone around them.

These distorted perceptions over time then lead the person to become obsessed with how they look and appear to others. This is when food begins to play a role in the person's life and control over it becomes the obsession. The person begins to have thoughts like:

I'm too fat.
I'm ugly.
If I just lost some weight, I'd feel better.
If I lose weight, they'll like me more/I'll be popular/pretty/etc.

These thoughts then lead to perfectionist behaviors/tendencies where the person feels the need to control their behavior about eating. They are "punishing" their "bad" choices by restricting their food intake, by binging and then purging or by compulsively eating. Their feelings of low self-esteem and wanting to be better/different leads to the need for control and the control over eating becomes a way to deal with the underlying emotions that are being felt. The focus on eating and compensatory behaviors become a way to deal with the emotions, essentially by not dealing with them and instead making life about controlling food/weight and physical appearance.

As these compensatory behaviors get worse or more extreme, especially if others begin to comment on them, it often leads to lying and hiding the behaviors that are an issue. The person believes that she/he needs to stay in control and the comments/feelings of others (such as "why are you doing this to us?" or "you look really sick") reinforce the person's feelings of guilt and self-hate, which then just fuels the compensatory behaviors even more.

It is the underlying emotions, as well as the distorted body image and low-self esteem, that a person with an eating disorder will receive treatment for in a program or center. The treatment will focus on cognitive behavioral therapy that works to change these underlying thoughts and obsessions and then as a result, change the behaviors that have developed over time. Simply changing the eating or compensatory behaviors will not cure the eating disorder because the roots are in the underlying self-esteem, emotions and body image that have caused the obsession about food and physical appearance.

Myths about Eating Disorders

There are many misconceptions about eating disorders, such as Anorexia and Bulimia, and many myths have circulated for years. It is important to know the facts about these disorders, including the signs and symptoms, who is at risk, and what can be done.

Myth #1 — Everyone with an eating disorder is too thin.

Reality — This fact is that people with an eating disorder can look just as "normal" as a person without an eating disorder. They may be a healthy weight or even overweight in the case of a bulimic. Eating disorders are about a collection of psychological symptoms that go beyond the physical appearance of the person.

Myth #2 — Eating Disorders are not curable.

Reality — Many people believe that a person with an eating disorder is similar to a person with a substance abuse disorder and that once someone has an eating disorder, they will always have it and be "fighting the addiction." The reality is that eating disorders can be cured by resolving the underlying issues and fears that led to the poor choices that caused the eating disorder and the person can go on to live a healthy and "normal" life without issues about food.

Myth #3 — People with eating disorders do not eat at all.

Reality — Some people with an eating disorder actually eat too much, such as in the case of a bulimic or a compulsive eater. While the stereotype of a person with an eating disorder is the restrictive anorexic who doesn't allow any food to be eaten has been perpetuated in the media and movies, the reality is that someone who eats regularly and with other people present can still have an eating disorder.

Myth #4 — Only teenage girls suffer from eating disorders.

Reality — Men and women of all ages suffer from eating disorders. It is not only the teenage girl who is at risk. Boys, men, and adult women also suffer from the disorder. While boys and men are considered somewhat less likely to develop the disorder, they are not without risk. While girls/women tend to be under more pressure to be thin based on media images, it is becoming increasingly common for men to feel pressures to look like male models as well and be "fit." This can lead to low self-esteem and a distorted body image in males, which can then lead to the eating disorder just as it can in females.

Myth #5 — An eating disorder is about eating too little or too much.

Reality — An eating disorder is actually about a great deal more than the amount of food that a person eats. It's about underlying feelings of guilt, shame, self-hate, and a loss of control over life that leads a person to take control over a part of their life (eating) that feels easier to control. It's about a group of psychological symptoms, including a distorted body image, but food and the ways in which it is eaten becomes the way to gain control and is the "public" part that most people commonly know about when thinking of an eating disorder.

Myth #6 - Bulimics always purge by vomiting.

Reality — While purging is a common way for bulimics to remove food from their body, other ways include the use of laxatives/diuretics, as well as excessive exercise. A person with an eating disorder can binge or even eat a normal amount and then feel guilt over the decision and then can use medications or an exercise routine to eliminate the food or calories consumed. Exercise is a common part of the life of someone with an eating disorder as they say "I'm just working out and being healthy," but it is taken to an excessive level with many hours a day or every day being devoted to working out when the calories eaten may be very minimal.

Myth #7 — Anorexics do not binge or purge.

Reality — While the stereotypical person with anorexia is someone who controls the amount of food that is eaten and tries to avoid eating whenever possible, the reality is that many anorexics will eat or even overeat, and then feel guilty or blame themselves for giving in to food and worry about the calories that will cause them to gain weight. They will then use purging behaviors to compensate for their "bad" decision.

Myth #8 — Eating Disorders cannot be fatal.

Reality — If a person suffers from an eating disorder, the effects of not eating or binging, purging, excessive exercise or other compensatory behaviors over time, can lead to serious health problems, including death. The behaviors can also lead to permanent physical or neurological damage in the person as well. Eating disorders are extremely serious and treatment needs to be sought.

Myth #9 - Anorexics are easy to identify. They are noticeably skinny and don't eat.

Reality — while the stereotypical anorexic in the media is an extremely skinny person (with bones showing through her skin) and who never allows food to be eaten, the reality is that it takes a very long time for most people with an eating disorder to get to that severe and late-stage disorder. The person with anorexia can be healthy looking and eat in public and private.

Myth #10 — Eating disorders are more likely to occur in people who are poor, who are uneducated or who have no family supports.

Reality — Eating disorders can happen to anyone. Again, it's about underlying issues that led the person to feel out of control and to develop a distorted body image. Anyone can have those issues, even an educated, wealthy person who appears to "have it all" to others. And an eating disorder is not about an external lack of love or support, but about internal conflicts and struggles.

How Family Can Have a Huge Impact on Those With an Eating Disorder

The path to recovery from an eating disorder can be a long and very challenging one, but with the support of family, it can be a much smoother path to travel. Loved ones of a person with an eating disorder can both help and at times, hinder, the success of the recovery. If someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia, it is important for you to be aware of what you should and shouldn't do to assist him/her.

One of the first things to remember is that you can't force someone to seek treatment for an eating disorder. It has to be a decision that the person makes for himself/herself based on a desire to get better and become healthy again. However, once the person has made the decision to seek treatment, there are things that you can do to support that decision.

Things to Do and Remember

Remember that eating disorders are about more than just food. It's a disorder that affects all parts of a person's life and has roots in the emotional and psychological health of the person. They have taken control over the food that they eat or don't eat because they feel a lack of control in other areas of their life. Making them eat in healthier ways will not resolve the underlying issues. They will need the help of a professional counselor or treatment center in order to resolve the feelings of guilt, shame or self-hate that have driven them to behave the way they are.
Remember that eating disorders are serious and can cause death if continued without treatment. If you are the parent of a child/teen who has an eating disorder, you may be forced to make the decision for him/her and place your child into treatment. Don't just rely on the youth's promise that things will change. You will have to monitor their behavior and seek professional help as needed.
You can do research on eating disorders and the numerous support sites available on the internet, both for those suffering from an eating disorder and for the family/friends of the sufferer. Make your research available to your loved one, so that they can share their experiences and fears with others who have gone through the disorder and survived to go one and make healthier choices again.
Be aware of the signs and symptoms of the eating disorder that your loved one has and the types of treatment that are used. If the person is in a treatment program, become an active part of the recovery process once the person's health has been stabilized and the counseling sessions begin. Your family member will likely need individual counseling sessions, as well as those with the larger family, so that the family system can be changed to better support the recovery process and ongoing behavior change.
Remind the person how much you love them and that you know that he/she can beat this disorder. Let the person know you support them and ask them what you can do to best help them. Be a listening ear and not a lecturer.

Things to Avoid Saying or Doing

Don't blame them for their behavior or inability to immediately change. Remember, the eating disorder did not develop overnight and will not be eliminated immediately. It will be an ongoing recovery process.
Don't say things like "you look sick." Remember, that one of the basic emotions behind an eating disorder is often self-hate and a low self-esteem. Avoid saying things that will reinforce the person's lack of self-esteem. Don't attack or be insulting in your comments.
Don't make threats or try to control the person's behavior about eating. Remember that the person took control over their eating in an attempt to change their life and things that were making them afraid or feeling out of control. You don't want to reinforce the feeling that they have no control over their own lives, which could lead to the continued unhealthy choices that they have been making.
Don't try to make the person feel guilty by saying things like "you're making us worry" or "look what you're doing to your sister/brother/etc." Remember that the person is suffering and struggling with a life that feels out of control and not trying to do anything to others in their life. They are only trying to control the fear and shame in some way that allows them to cope and continuing living day to day.

Again, recovery from an eating disorder will not happen overnight. It is a long and painful process as the person deals with the underlying issues that helped to cause the eating disorder. But with the proper and helpful support from family members, the journey to recovery will be an easier one and one that leads to long-lasting healthy decisions in the future.

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